Update - December 2016

I've not kept up this blog regularly, so this post will be yet another 'update'. Updates are good too, if people are reading the blog.

Kevin and I got back from Manitoba last night. We were there longer than I've ever stayed since moving to Calgary. I will say that I had a really long sleep in my familiar and much-loved bed (although I didn't mind the bed at my parents') last night. There were a few big things going on this time around that required a longer stay.

To start, we hit the road running in order to get prepared for my parents' 50th Anniversary celebration! 50 years of marriage is definitely worth celebrating!!! The celebration was the day after the day we arrived in Manitoba. It went really well! I was so busy that I hardly took any pictures and the ones I took did not turn out well! The preparations on the celebration day included helping Kevin get the sound set up, setting the tables, helping with food prep (I was in charge of the punch - yeah, I now, not a huge task but still it took time), and getting the reception program ready. I was one of the MC's, so I had to connect with all the people on the list for singing / speaking. I also had to plan with my niece who co-MC'd with me. We did not get a chance to do any planning before the big day. There was lots of organizing and running around to do. I also helped getting a photo video together (mostly done by my husband!). It all went off, though, without any big problems besides some technical glitches. Even the piano duet my sister and I played with my niece singing along went well. We literally picked our song the night before, practiced it a couple times, then ran with it the next day. We called it improv piano playing which I think frustrated my niece who was trying to sing along. She did well, by the way! On a side note, I liked my descriptions of how we would do the various verses - "tinkly", "marching with authority", "slow and building". It made sense to us, anyway, despite my sister calling me "weird" (which is usual and not taken as an insult). Oh, the food was amazing too - pulled pork, beans, and coleslaw from Danny's Whole Hog! The cakes were very well done too!

50th Anniversary cakes prepared by Flour Connections

Next up, my mom's surgery for her breast cancer. This diagnosis has certainly re-alerted me of the necessity to make sure I get checked for breast health - which I did in the meantime since finding out about the diagnosis. It runs in my mom's family so I know it's a good idea to be on top of it. The surgery went well, or so the doctor reported, and he is hopeful he got everything. That being said, it's still uncertain and the next while cancer will be at the back of our minds regardless of a clean bill of health. It is likely she will require radiation, either way. I worry about that because we won't be present to help. While staying with my parents, I helped her with cleaning her incisions / tape / bandages and we both (husband and I) helped a lot around the house and with things she needed. Kevin prepared a turkey as well as much of the other food! I helped with the smaller tasks such as measuring, stirring, preparing punch, making whip cream for pies, baking cookies, setting the table, chopping ingredients for the stuffing, etc. I worry about how things will go when we're not around - we stayed at their house and saw where the needs are. Nobody else besides my dad lives there. I do know she will be ok, and that my family back home loves her and will do what they can. Still, her energy is low, but she doesn't ask for help often, then gets so exhausted. Every night since the surgery, she has been wiped out. This will pass, I'm sure. She is still recovering and still has pain.

Kevin and I had the opportunity to connect with a couple friends. This trip, we did not get the chance to see many friends. Weather played a role, but our main focus was on family. It was a blessing to spend time with the two families (couple / families) we were able to see. Both are dear friends where I know we lift each other up in prayer, love, and fun times. Seeing them makes me want to live in Manitoba again.

For some time alone, Kevin and I went to spin Poke stops and sometimes went for a quick bite to eat or went to a store to run some errands. We watched some shows on the laptop. Otherwise, we were pretty much around others 24-7. This is exhausting, but it was still good. We joined my dad a couple times for aquacise. I hope we can get into that back in Calgary. I used to go weekly.

We experienced frustration too. We bought a new vehicle recently before we left, as it was time to replace the old vehicle. However, we have had significant delays in being able to install hand controls. I enjoy driving and Kevin does not as much. However, he had to do all the driving - to and from Manitoba as well as everywhere we needed to go. I am hopeful we will be able to get them installed next week, but it will still be another week until I can drive the new vehicle. That will make it a delay of about 6 weeks, maybe more. It will cost more than we initially planned for, as well. There is a chance some or all of this will be refunded to us. I look forward to the (hopefully) improved hand controls system that should require less force and should result in less neck / back pain on long drives and during stop-and-go traffic.

We are trying to sort out where God is leading. Do we stay here? Do we move to Manitoba? How can we know what to do or where to go? A factor that has us wondering is that Kevin has not gotten a job and has been working so hard at getting a job. However, some things are moving in a positive direction for this. He has gotten some contract work (e.g. painting) and he has an interview on Monday. The programs he is interested in studying seem to be in either Manitoba or in Ontario. I enjoy the work I do and the professional network I've developed here in Calgary. However, I worry more and more about accessibility and with increasing funding cuts, I wonder how that might impact my ability to do my job. I get so tired after sometimes even 3 days of work and certainly after 4. I just moved into full-time work, and due to circumstances, have yet to work a full 5-day work week where I am on-site every day. I worry that my body won't be able to handle it - and then what? I hope that if we would move elsewhere, I would find something meaningful again and that I'd be able to get connected to a good professional network. I know Kevin would find something meaningful elsewhere. Although his volunteer work and other aspects in life are meaningful to him, it would be so good if he could find something else meaningful to do outside of the house that would be a source of income. However, I guess we need to be patient with Calgary's economic situation right now. I am thankful we can make ends meet with my income. At times, we just need to watch our spending more.

In reading what I've written above, I see the word "worry" several times. I don't want to be in a space of worrying. That's never a good place to be. I know that I need to just rest - roll with the punches, rest in God and know that God is God. God's got a plan and has his own timing. He can give me strength. He can help us through our tough times. Things, overall, are quite good but it is important for me to remember to not let the struggles and tough things get too overwhelming. I need to believe whole-heartedly that God is far greater than I could ever imagine and he wants to bless us! God has provided and He will continue to provide!

Summer

I can't believe how long it's been since I posted!

A lot has happened this summer.  In some ways, anyway. As I posted last time, I moved to a new place and it's working out well for me. It is probably the most accessible housing situation I've ever had. It comes at a hefty price, but it is still cheaper than living in the Beltline. Fortunately, I have steady income now. I had a few hiccups shortly after I moved. It seemed there was a power surge and my laptop and all peripherals died. I've revived the computer partially - enough to access my files, but I can't run any peripherals through it. I had to buy a new laptop, a new printer, a new usb hub, etc. But, I also learned, in the process, how to set up a network and how to do some technical things with the computer that I didn't know how to do before.

Good times! We couldn't get one where we were both fully in the picture. It was so funny!

I took a trip to Manitoba this summer again. It was a much needed trip. I also had some memorable experiences ...

The Klassens

The outhouse door

• stopping at a rest area because I really need to use the facilities, only to find one of the doors to the outhouses was completely broken, and the other, where the door apparently didn't stay closed. I found that out the hard way, but fortunately, no one else showed up. Seriously, I have not had good outhouse experiences this year - the youth weekend back in May was also an example of this. Both times, I really needed to use the facilities so I just used them anyway.
• seeing a broad variety of roadkill - porcupines, a fox-like animal but bigger than a fox, some very unrecognizable but large animals, several skunks, and probably more.
• having an amazing time with God where he spoke to me about walking with me and how my heart is a garden and he is the gardener. Maybe I'll write a post about it and include a link to a few songs that fueled that conversation.
• saying good-bye to the Patmobile and saying hello to my new(er) Rav4. This is a positive thing - the car did not die but was on its last legs. This new vehicle will allow for the installation of a scooter lift at some point in the future, which will greatly increase my independence. If only funding were available in this province to cover modifications!
• seeing someone from highschool. That was a surprise.
• a much needed massage.
• going to a small town fair, taking pictures of the rides at night, and getting a henna tattoo.
• driving fast down Hwy 8, passing lots of vehicles - right Greg? :) And of course Gimli beach and wave surfing.
• fresh garden vegetables and fruit! Green beans, carrots, tomatoes, cucumbers, strawberries... mmm.
• spending time with family.
• connecting with some dear people in my life. It feels so good to really connect. And to feel wanted and loved. The hugs are amazing too! It makes me want to be back in Winnipeg.
• attending a beautiful wedding, seeing some extended family (and again the hugs), and the laughs during conversation. Oh, and taking random pictures. :)
• Mojitos! The theme of my trip, apparently! :)
• and of course, taking more pictures!

Other aspects of summer I enjoyed:

• church family camp.
• a visit from The Falks :) and the amazing Morrocan restaurant.
• the beautiful warm summer - so unusual for Calgary.
• watching Ultimate - go Raptors!
• sitting on my patio.
• the dragonflies.
• Julie's visit in July and The Klassens visit in August.
• living across from Global Fest and having a prime view of the fireworks. And of course, taking pictures. :)

The less pleasant aspects of this summer:

• moving! Although I am SO thankful everything came together so well for the move. I had friends from so many different areas of my life help out so it ended up that nobody ended up doing all of it. This started from the packing up, to the moving, to the cleaning of the old and new place, to the unpacking. I really am blessed!
• packing and unpacking! And sorting papers. Ok, that's all part of moving too. Did I mention moving?!
• having to put out of a lot of unexpected money. Although I do enjoy the new versions of what I bought - the vehicle, the computer, the wireless printer.
• feeling the stress of too many commitments on top of the life stressors such as moving, changes in work hours and responsibilities, etc.. I need to take care of myself in this way.
• not getting to see Brittany much - only a couple minutes. You'll have to come visit!
  

The new and the old

I'm not ready for summer to end, although fall is full of possibilities. Fall looks like it will be super busy and I've been enjoying the more laid back summer. I will start teaching the mental health course at SAIT again in September in addition to working at the hospital and doing my veterans work. The youth year will also be starting up at about the same time. I really do hope I can balance my life to take time for self care, exercise, friends and music, on top of other commitments I had previously. I know for my personal and spiritual wellness, I need to make time to get out into nature. take pictures, and to connect with people on a personal level. The long drive by myself to Manitoba was so needed on a spiritual level! Not only did I get out of the city, but I listened to music, I prayed, I stopped as I wanted to take pictures, and I relaxed. These are all important parts of my life. If things get too crazy, I will have to figure out what I can cut out so I stay well in all aspects of my life.

Regarding all the picture taking I mentioned - I haven't sorted through or uploaded all my pictures yet, but here are a few pictures to get you started. I have a few entries in mind that I want to write about as I've been thinking about some things. I do hope I have time, or rather, that I make time, to write and post these entries because blogging is also a very good spiritual and personal wellness exercise. But for today, I will end this post. I am frustrated because I can't seem to get the pictures to line up properly, so unfortunately, this post may look a little scattered. Nevertheless, Enjoy!

After almost 12 years of owning my car ...

After almost 12 years of owning my car, I learned something new about it this week.  I always wondered why my radio would get louder when I turn the knob to the left to turn it quieter.  I have to turn it around and around a few times before it starts to get quieter.  Usually, when I'm actually wanting it quieter, I want it quiet NOW.  So, last week, when I was looking up reports on my make and model of car to determine whether it would make sense to do more major repairs or whether I'll have to look for a different vehicle soon - or, rather, when I have a steady source of income - I noticed almost everyone was complaining about this radio thing.  Someone pointed out this is actually a feature on the car. A feature?! Seriously? Well, apparently, it's supposed to auto-adjust to the loudness of the road noise. The trick recommended was to slightly pull the knob out, then turn it down and you'll have immediate results.  I tried that this week and every time I've tried it, the volume goes down. Who would have thought that I'm still learning about new tricks of my car almost 12 years after purchasing it!

Remotivation by Unfortunate Circumstance

It's been a rough week. My car has needed some significant repairs - two times in one week! One, I knew about and scheduled the appointment, and the other was a freak thing which lead to some other repairs.  The total of both bills will come to just under $3000! Ouch! Time for a new car???  The only thing is, I don't have work so I can't take on payments. And, buying second hand doesn't really make sense either as repairs will be needed soon on that too. On Saturday, I was at some friends' place and when I was leaving, I heard this awful metal cracking sound.  I was hoping I had driven over something, but really knew it was my car.  I turned the wheel back to straight ahead and I saw the left front end drop.  The coil in the suspension system snapped.  From what I can tell in talking to the mechanic, as well as my dad and another friend who knows a bit about cars, this type of thing is a freak accident.  Nevertheless, the front end needs serious repairs. I am so thankful, though, that I was in a parking spot when it happened and not on Deerfoot or another major road.  Also, I'm thankful it didn't happen on my way to Canmore, as I had plans to go to Canmore for the day on Sunday. That could have been disastrous. So, in a way, somehow, I'm handling this new setback without a lot of emotion.  It feels like when my car was broken into again, and yet again. It's like, 'Oh, yeah, it happened again'. It, in this case, being yet another car repair. When my car kept on getting broken into, I started to almost find it amusing. At first it was like a violation to me.  Then it was just, 'oh ok', and now we move on. I'm still concerned about the financial part of it - that I'm burning through money really quickly. Money that ends up becoming debt. But, strangely, I don't feel worried. It's out of my hands. More on that later.

Last week, I was a bit of a mess - the unexpected amount I had to pay for the repairs, not even being considered for a job I went to an interview for just because I can't lift / transfer people, realizing again that I'm really an outsider in a group I was beginning to feel I was a part of, and other small things. It just hit me and I felt really discouraged.  The not being even considered for a job where, during the interview, they indicated pretty much everyone who applies gets in because it's just a list was what hit me hardest and the other things just added to it. They actually called me and told me the reason they couldn't consider me. I felt like, "why am I even trying?" I keep on applying for jobs.  Jobs in the unofficial OT world where I know I've got all the required qualifications and skills, I'm not even getting calls for interviews. I am getting calls for OT jobs now, but as soon as they learn I can't lift / transfer people, they go with someone else instead of problem solving. So frustrating! So discouraging! But, it also seems to reinforce the fact I need to work on getting my business going.  If it's my business, I can control that a little better.  Or, at least, in that case, I'm marketing my abilities and strengths and connecting to places where I feel my skills are a good match for their needs.

So, after hitting that huge wall of discouragement, I was surprised on Saturday when I really didn't have emotion about the car breaking down.  I knew it would be a big job.  A loud metal cracking sound can't be good.  And, seeing my car drop like that, and then look at it from the outside and seeing the fender almost touching the wheel... I guess, strangely, I think my thoughts were, "this is out of my hands. I can't do anything about this.  I know I can't drive it.  So, whatever happens happens".  I was at my friends' place and their little girl was eager to sit beside me on the grass to watch the tow truck girl get all set up and tow the car.  The fact it was a tow truck girl instead of a tow truck guy totally inspired me for some odd reason. She knew her stuff and it didn't matter whether she was a guy or a girl.  In some ways, I thought she was friendlier than other tow truck drivers I've met.  She took the time to show me what broke. Of course, she had to add the caveat that she can't diagnose, etc. The little girl eagerly coming to sit with me was cute and special. So, there were little things that I could pull out of the day that was kind of neat. The next day, her parents asked me to be her godmother. She is getting baptized in fall and when they asked her who she wants to have as her godparent, she right away said, "Patti". I thought that was cool and also kind of cute. I also was able to spend some time this weekend with a friend I hadn't seen in a while, so that was also good.

Strangely, though, the huge expenses incurred from the past week, and the rejections experienced last week has sort of remotivated me to do something.  I don't think I can go too much lower. I need to take some serious action to do something. I will run out of money very soon if nothing happens very soon! Just looking for jobs has not been successful in the least. Yes, I've gotten interviews. So, I guess that's been a success, but it's also been a real source of discouragement. Maybe it's a bit of a dusting off from the pitfalls and trying to get back on track. This morning, I've been busy.  I called in to the scheduled group conference call for the Veteran Affairs work.  Turns out I found out one of the reasons I haven't gotten any referrals is that they had the wrong phone number on file, the other (which I knew) is that the program has been really slow in getting going here.  I checked into the contact information issue later, and there had been a data entry error which is now resolved.  Who would have thought that would be the reason for not getting referrals? They looked at my paperwork and confirmed a data entry on their part.  They had apparently tried to give me a referral which is how I learned about this.  Apparently the number on file was disconnected.  I am now working on getting approved for general OT work with the federal agencies. It looks like there shouldn't be any difficulty to get approved as I have already been approved to be a service provider in another capacity. I sent in the registration form this morning. I also have to prepare a document to send to the registrar regarding providing music lessons to people with disabilities.  I feel like I have some very concrete steps to do and that maybe there will be some potential for income. I have also been set up with a mentor in getting my business going. I will still need to look for jobs and will continue to do so.  But, more and more, I am feeling that getting the business going will be my best option for employment as the rehabilitation world is just not ready for people who have disabilities to be part of the service provider team.

I will have to work on building a thicker skin to not take rejection personally when I do try to get contracts and clients, as rejection is part of the process. At the same time, I can reframe that so I know it's not about me.  It's about the client not being a good fit with the services at this time. I also know that I need to work on confidence in approaching people. Maybe this is the next step in my life journey - this process may actually boost my confidence several notches. I'm not the most unconfident person out there, but I know I definitely have room to grow. I need to really believe in myself, my abilities, and what I have to offer.  And then, show it! Hopefully the mentor will be able to help me in this.

I forgot to mention .... the Patmobile was revived

As the title states, I forgot to mention, the Patmobile was revived. Turns out, it was the alternator. The mechanic sounded surprised that the charging system was completely dead, as though they don't see that situation so often. Definitely a good thing I didn't keep on driving. She seems to be running fine now. $440 later.

RIP ... Patmobile.... but hopefully you will rise again

Today the Patmobile died. In the middle of nowhere. Well, not quite. At a truckstop along the highway. The battery light came on. And wouldn't reset. It did keep driving, but I was concerned the car would die quite literally in the middle of nowhere, along the side of the highway. I called my dad and he suggested I pull over. I kept on driving a little, then saw a truck stop, all while talking with him (on speaker phone, of course). At the truck stop, he instructed me to look at a few things, but I was too short to really see what was going on. Plus, I didn't have a proper flashlight. Only a little bike light flashlight. That'll teach me. :) Anyway, I called CAA, or AMA, whatever you prefer, and requested a tow, upon the advice of my dad. Good thing I listened. When the tow truck guy got there and tried to back up my car to line it up with the tow truck, it died. He tried again, but it didn't start again. So he put it into neutral and pushed it.

I got a ride back to Calgary with the tow truck driver. It was a monster truck with a boom at the back. It felt kind of neat sitting so high. Not the easiest to get into. He borrowed some wood from the truck stop so I could get in. Haha. That was kind of funny. He was nice enough. Pretty young. I think this was his first job as a tow truck driver, but he assured me he had lots of experience driving equipment. I had some fears of getting into a truck with a stranger ... probably seen too many scary movies. He went above the rules and gave me a ride home too. Apparently they are either to tow to the home or to a shop, but not to both. If the person needs a ride home, they have to wait with them until they get a cab at night. So, I appreciated his kindness in taking me home too.

But, alas, poor Patmobile is sitting in the lot at the garage, hoping to get fixed. I really hope she can get fixed at a relatively low cost ... and quickly. But she has served me well so far. 10 years, and very few big repair bills. Sure, I've replaced the battery a few times. A MB winter will do that. And, I've replaced the brakes a few times - it needs to be done again. I'm guessing hand controls and much city use wears the brakes faster. I've also replaced the serp belt, cruise control (yeah, I guess that was costly), and the power mechanism for the seat (also somewhat costly, but thanks to a wondeffully talented father, it was much cheaper than to get it repaired at a shop). But, overall, Patmobile has been serving me well. And I really hope she continues to do so. So, I do hope and pray she will be revived! Once I have an income, though, I may need to start budgeting for purchasing a new car.

And why Patmobile as a name? Well, I was going to say, 'check out the batmobile cars online', and even post pics, but I'm actually not sure what my friends were thinking when they named my car Patmobile. They figured the wavy lines along the side of the car, and the aerodynamic look resembled the Batmobile, and since my name is Patti ... well, naturally, it was christened as the Patmobile. That's better than the name for my old car ... the Paddywagon. Yeah. True story. And, again, I did NOT name that car .... the name somehow stuck. Go figure.

A stranger to the rescue

I went to Canadian Tire to get my headlight bulb replaced. A little amusingly, and a little annoyingly, the door I entered had a big wheelchair symbol on it. I assumed this meant it was an accessible entrance. However, both the outside and the second inside door needed to be open to get a wheelchair through. Then I went towards the automotive desk and I couldn't get through their only walkway to the desk because there was a big pole in the middle. I saw a lady pushing a narrow stroller (one of those cloth fold up kind) through and the stroller barely had room. Anyway, some guy had to come and unlock this pole and remove it. There was still a metal post sticking up but my wheelchair could clear this. Sad, isn't it? Some accessibility!

While I was waiting, this guy (the stranger mentioned above) comes up to the desk as well. Then, all the guys behind the desk left to go who knows where. When someone finally came, I asked about getting a bulb replaced and they said it would be at least 2 hours or more. In the meantime, this guy overhears and says he could replace it for me as he lives just a few blocks away and he's working on his car anyway. So I bought the bulb and went to this guy's place.

He worked on my car for quite a while. We were both looking at ways to access the bulb. He was starting to take off the bumper when he remembered he could look up the directions online. So, away he went to check the directions. He came back, and it was done within minutes. It was easy. 3 hands were needed, though. I lifted up this little lever that neither of us saw before (or at least we didn't know it was a lever) and he pulled the headlight out. Then it was quick to replace the bulb. Now, everything appears to be working.

I offered to go buy ice caps for each of us, so away I went. But all 3 machines (yes, this Tim Horton's had 3 ice cap machines) were not functional - only liquid running through. So I bought him $10 of TH gift certificates as a thank you. (He had offered to fix it for free).

So, now I think I know how to direct someone in replacing a lightbulb in my car. And I had a bit of an adventure too.

Car troubles

So, within a week, I had 2 pretty big transportation problems.

Last week, my passenger window was smashed in. Considering where I work, it was not an option to take my car to work with a smashed in window without emptying out my car completely. So, thankfully, my caretaker gave me a ride to work. My scooter was also disassembled and at work, so I was truly dependent on other people. I got the window fixed. But, within a week, my car mysteriously lost its power source. The car didn't even make a click. I attempted to start the car several times. On about the 5th try, the inside lights flicked on, then off. Then the car still didn't start. I was dumbfounded, completely taken aback. There was absolutely no sign that the battery was dying. With the rash of car break-ins in my building, the thought crossed my mind that my battery was stolen, but I didn't have the guts to check at that time. I did check later, and this was not the case.

When I talked to my boss today, she seriously questioned whether someone was coming after me in particular. It IS the second time my car has been broken into on the same lot at home. And there are definitely some clients who are less than impressed with me, the nature of the work I do. I honestly don't think it's intentionally directed at me because several cars were broken into. She thought that someone was targeting me by doing something to my car, only this time, to my engine.

Fortunately, the AMA guy came today, and the problem was small. I didn't need to buy any parts. One of the battery posts was slightly corroded and dirty, thus resulting in loss of contact. Considering my dad's a mechanic, I feel a little foolish for not trying to play with the connectors to figure that out. Oh well.

Hopefully I won't have more car incidents in the next while. I'd say, with the scooter being out of commision (although now it is up and running again), and with the 2 car incidents, I've had my share for a while. I hate having to be dependent on people for rides and taxis are costly, but maybe God is trying to use these situations to teach me to be dependent in some sort of way.

New tires

I finally bought new tires for my car. Last fall, or maybe winter, I was told that I would need new tires before the next winter. Then, in spring, I was told that I really needed to replace 2 of my tires. I waited longer. I didn't have money to buy the tires. I would buy them for winter. Then September came along and I had to safety my car. My car passed. They told me that my tires were still safe, but that I should replace them soon. This eased my urgency for buying new tires, so I waited until I was more financially ok. Then winter came along. I started to notice my car wasn't controlling as well as it has in the past. I started to look into getting new tires. Then my tires started to leak air, requiring about 5 lbs of air a week. This prompted me into action. So, I leapt in and spent $514 to buy 4 new tires. The guy who replaced the tires didn't comment on the condition of my tires. Apparently, they weren't too bad. But, he did say that there was some corrosion on the wheel rims that was causing the air leaks. This has been fixed. Yay. My car should now also be safer on the roads. Mind you, I guess you should know that I have typically only been driving my car about twice a week these last few months. I haven't exactly been putting on a lot of miles. If only my car was clean, my car would look new. The tires are nice and black, not the grey, dirty look of dusty tires. Oh, right, but I have paint scrapes and a few dings. I guess it will never look new.