Finding Balance

As an occupational therapist, I talk with my clients regularly about finding balance. Yet, why is this so hard for me?

I find myself exhausted so often because I don't want to miss out. Because I want to show that I am not "less than" others - that I can keep up despite having physical limitations. Because I want to be good at what I do. Because ... because ...

I also don't want to believe that my body is getting older. That it's failing me. That I can't do what I once used to be able to do.

And that is sad for me. Hard for me.

And when I read this paragraph, I realize this is all about me. And, in many ways, is actually detrimental. Pushing myself beyond what is healthy ... and for what? It doesn't even fit with my values and what I say is important. I value my faith. I value my marriage. I value relationships. I value family. I value building into others' lives. I value some down time - to read, to pray, to journal, to create, to enjoy nature and take pictures. I value education. I value integrity and doing the best I can. I value my health. I value independence in an interdependent way - no person is an island and we need to live in communion with others (on a side note, sometimes this is a hard balance for me to find as independence has been a strong factor in my life).

But I've been setting up a comparison - trying to prove myself. To show the world that people with disabilities can do as much as someone without. Trying to show that I can 'be someone'. Trying to do more than I am able to. Trying to gain expertise and gain respect. But that's not what life is about. It doesn't fit with my beliefs. I'm not putting God first - and listening to the prompts about what I should be doing. And not listening to my body and setting boundaries. I'm not asking myself - does this activity / this thought pattern / this way that I'm spending my energy - fit with my values?

Yet, how do I continue to reach towards my goals and, alternatively, know which goals I need to let go of. Which goals do I need to focus on because they are shared between my husband and me? How do I find my balance now? And then when we adopt, how do I build on that balance and incorporate what I've learned to maintain good life balance that fits with my values? My hope is that some things will just jump out as obvious and that some things that I have time for now that I won't have time for then with be easy to let go of.  If it's not obvious, how will I know what to let go of and what to put my energy into? How do I make sure my body is operating at its optimum for where it can operate? Part of me fears that I will fail. That I won't have the energy to be the mom I want to be. What if I can't keep the house clean? Or get moving quick enough in the morning to make sure everyone gets to where they need to? What if I end up focusing too much on the tasks, and then not put the energy into my relationships - my marriage, and when we adopt - the relationship with our child. Thankfully, I am part of a pair - my husband and I are in this together. And we will get things done and we will stand by each other.

Things that exhaust me include: going, going, going for days in a row. Long drives - as in full long days that come after a week or more of really busy life. Long work days. Working every day outside the home. Having too much clutter around me (which is nearly impossible to shift because I need to be able to reach things and we have very few low storage options in our home and getting new ones that work in our space costs hundreds of dollars). I get exhausted when I am around others and I don't fit in - trying to figure out how to fit in. I get exhausted when I try to problem solve things that are difficult in life and the answers don't seem to be realistic. I worry when finances are tight. I worry about my family 2 provinces away. In these situations, I worry too much which consumes energy. When this happens, I need to relax a little more and know that we can operate on the plan we have come up with and that things have worked out in the past. And I need to rest in God as there are some things that I can't change.

I am energized when I teach. But then am exhausted after, particularly after a few days in a row of intense, large group teaching. Yet I still love it. I am energized when I see the impact of my work on clients. My role, however, requires long hours at times. In the moments, though, I love it! And the flexibility and autonomy is worth SO much! So, how do I find balance within my work?

I need to find ways to take better care of my body. Continuing to get good sleep. Gentle exercise. Sacrificing money to get massages. Eating well.

I need to also continue to make sure I put energy into keeping our marriage good. That takes effort, as it does for everyone.

One thing I've learned in life, though, is that change is constant. And life balance will fluctuate. I need to be my own OT and figure out what I can do to maintain wellness so I don't overdo things - and to make sure I am doing things that are meaningful. And make sure we, as a family, are doing meaningful things together. And have the courage to set limits and say 'no' when I need to. That I do things that fit with my values.

"For fast acting relief, try slowing down" ~ Lily Tomlin

Ottawa again ... and yes, it was awesome!

I went to Ottawa again in February. And, yes, it was awesome!

And the only pics I took were of the fantastic Indian food (with exception to this elephant)! I didn't even take pics of the wonderful person I shared the meal with and much of the weekend with! That took restraint! haha. Even when the waiter offered to take our picture, I didn't pass off my camera to get a picture. And maybe that was the best choice. I aim to live in the moment when I can and enjoy each moment, but maybe the camera gets in the way sometimes. I love taking pictures but conversation flowed, we laughed, we tasted, dare I say we indulged. There was no need to take pictures of us enjoying the time together. Although, don't get me wrong ... next time I want a picture together. :D But only if it seems like it's a good thing and not getting in the way of being in the moment. Maybe it can be adding to the moment in some situations.

The food ... the BUTTER CHICKEN!!! Let's face it, the food was all amazing, but this was the star! This is what stands out in my mind! I can picture the caramel-like colour (without looking at the picture). I can taste the buttery goodness. And can feel the texture of the tender chicken in my mouth. Better butter chicken than I've ever had!

Oh, and the garlic naan... mmm ...

The frozen hands and legs were well worth it for this food!

Ottawa was so worth it! It was a time of connecting, having fun, exploring possibilities, learning ...  and I look forward to more times like this!

Adventure Camp 2014

I had an amazing opportunity to say 'yes' to this past week. I saw a post on facebook about the camp a few weeks ago and inquired about their need for volunteers and that got things in motion. I went with Centre Street Church on the Adventure Camp for their special needs (I believe the program is called Umbrella) ministry. I went along as a volunteer. It was a neat experience. It's been a long time, if ever, that I went somewhere or participated in something where it seemed my gifts, life experience, and knowledge were truly appreciated and desired. Nobody stared at me because of the way I walk. I felt truly accepted. I was paired with a buddy (camper) who was easy going, liked to laugh, and had to take it slow sometimes (which is fine by me). I also had a roommate that I spent time with and kept an eye on in some aspects. It was neat that I found myself using my OT skills (that's occupational therapy for those who don't know) in working with some others that I wasn't specifically paired with. I loved seeing how I was able to engage some of the campers in activities to help distract them and to help make the camp meaningful for them. I also didn't mind having conversations with some where other campers were getting frustrated. I found myself coming up with ideas on the fly to get people engaged and distracted from what was getting them agitated. I even started a 'morning stretch' routine (because there were delays in getting the food ready) that got even those who didn't normally get involved coming up with a movement or stretch. My heart swelled seeing nearly every camper and volunteer get involved - although the volunteers and staff might have anyway to encourage participation.  :)  It was also neat to see the simple, yet powerful, way each of the campers expressed their appreciation for God, nature, and each other. It was neat seeing the campers taking risks by doing activities they might not ever have tried before.

My week wasn't without frustrations - I struggle with seeing people who have the capacity and ability to do stuff and not try when I so often try to do whatever I can and I have obvious physical mobility issues as well as a condition that could make or break me in a less safe activity. And realistically, there may well be some good reasons for not trying for these people but sometimes it felt like excuses and all I wanted to say was "Take a leap of faith. Risk it. Get over it. You'll be ok. You'll have fun." Ah, but I need to have grace and I need to see things from their perpsectives. I, of all people, get that new and "risky" activities are scary when it comes to potential broken bones so I'm sure others have their reasons and their legitimate fears.

I also struggled with, and nearly backed out of, going white water rafting because the walk from the bus to the river was long, I was tired and thirsty, it was hard walking with the booties we were given (and they were too big for me), and I knew that I had had surgery just six weeks ago and really hoped my body would hold up. I had been white water rafting before, and that time, our boat nearly flipped and we paddled the whole way, even through the big rapids (class 3's and 4's). I didn't know what came over me, but I nearly started crying. That was odd. I was struck by an intense wave of emotion. I'm glad I went white water rafting, though.  This time, it was easy. For the "big" rapids (which were WAY smaller than the previous trip) , we didn't paddle through rapids but were told to hang on. We didn't have to paddle the whole time either like the last time I went (on a different river). The rapids were tame compared to the last trip too. The pictures look like it was crazy. But it was crazy fun! :)

Another good thing from the trip - maybe I will have made some new friends that can be part of my friends circle going forward.  I felt like I connected well with several people at the camp.

Maybe this kind of ministry, or even this kind of work - working with individuals with more of a developmental delay than specifically mental illness - is a direction I should consider. It brings joy to my heart to see the innocence of some of the individuals and the balance of trying to learn life skills and apply them in the capacity each one is able to, and the challenges of connecting with those who struggle to be around others also was rewarding. It was so awesome to see pure joy in the faces of the campers when they experienced nature or tried something new and did it successfully. On the last day, one of the individuals who tended to stay several metres from others when possible, actually spoke to me. It was like a little gift. Those moments are so rewarding.

Click on the pictures below for a bigger view!

The Elkwood Ampitheatre

View from the lodge through the window

Just a note, I can't post pictures of individuals here (except for the rafting pics which are were all taken by Chinook Rafting - with permission to share on social media), so the pictures posted are mostly of the views and nature. All pictures other than the rafting pictures were taken by me.

A Taste of Summer

Wow, it's been a LONG time since I last posted. About half a year ago. So, for today, I'll post a few pics of a taste of summer. I've been busy taking a lot of pictures over the past 2 months - from my trip to Ottawa, to my weekend in K Country at a beautiful and cozy cabin, to a weekend out at Camp Kuriakos. I've also taken a few pics around town and at home. I'll post a few today and I really hope I get back into blogging. Then I can tell you about (and show you glimpses of) my trip to Ottawa and my other adventures. For now, here's a taste of summer from the view of my lens...

By the way, does anyone know how to fit the pics better using blogger? I can't seem to fit them in beside each other even though the page seems to have room.

Note: All pictures taken and copyrighted by Patti Plett

Wintry Scenes

Cold Wintry Day!

This post is a compilation of wintry scenes I have taken in the last few weeks. All of them were taken right from where I live. Enjoy!

Snow piling up on my patio