Some days

Some days ...

I just want to be living in Winnipeg again. Not that I'm unhappy. I have a great job. It's beautiful out here. We are close to the mountains. We have "our places" we like to go and would definitely miss those. The weather beats out Winnipeg weather most days, and the air has been good for my husband's health. We have a comfortable home to live in. There are people who care about us here. And probably if we were living elsewhere, we'd long to be here.

But, in Winnipeg, we both have a support network. There are others that I know would hit it off well with my husband. And here, it often feels like there is nobody that we can truly go to when things are tough. I mean, there are people we talk to and see regularly. But somehow, it's hard to interrupt others' lives with our 'stuff' ... or maybe we just don't feel comfortable doing that. If feels like we are not close enough with people that they would come to us as one of the first people if they were struggling ... and likewise, very few whom we truly feel like we can talk on the spur of the moment when times are tough. It feels like, for those whom I talk to, that I'm saying the same thing over and over. I don't want to come across like someone who is negative. I worry that others will think I am. I've been known to be the person who sees a silver lining in everything. I'm not sure I do anymore ... and that bothers me. I want to be the one encouraging others. But right now, I'm the one needing encouragement.

In Winnipeg (area), my family is going through tough times. It's hard to be here when they are there, going through what they're going through. Cancer is a bitch ... but at least my mom seems to be doing well with radiation. Depression is also probably as equal a bitch. And that seems to be affecting several people in my family as well. Thing is, I'm not sure that I'd be of any more help there than here.

Money is tight, but who knows if that would be any better elsewhere. My husband still hasn't gotten a job here ... the economic situation is pretty rough. It's not for lack of effort, though... which is super discouraging. We made the best decision we could, given the circumstances, to live here. But I often wonder what things would have been like had I been the one who moved. We've made it, though, every month. Some months are tighter than others. It looks like it will be starting to turn around in the next little while. Except if the landlord raises rent. That might be the turning point in us moving (if we choose to move). We're already overpaying by a large amount. More would not be ethical. Or a wise decision for us.

But, here, I have opportunities... to teach, to work full-time, to be a faculty member in the department of occupational therapy. And sometimes I feel selfish ... because I am the one with the opportunities... and I so badly want there to be just as good opportunities for my husband.


Some days ...

It seems that there are more opportunities elsewhere. School opportunities for both of us - but mostly my husband and one day for me. Opportunities to build our social support network, or rather, deep friendships, as we do have a social support network. Maybe even possibilities for work that we haven't considered or learned about.


Some days ...

It's just hard to stay put when it seems like nothing is moving forward.

So much has changed over the past year!

Wow! It's been so long since I last blogged! One year ago to the day, my husband and I 'officially' became a couple. We met the summer before (August 2014) at my cousin's place for a bonfire night and began talking, but not often at that point. Following a trip to Ottawa last February where we spent time together in person (rather than by skype or other electronic format), we began talking about the possibility of an 'us'. He is from Ontario and I'm from Manitoba, but we met in Calgary.

It seemed like once we knew we wanted to be a couple, we had a pretty good idea that things were moving towards marriage. A few more trips between Ontario and Alberta, with a quick trip to Manitoba in between, and we were planning our wedding.

We got married in October and had a lovely fall wedding in a halfway point between Ontario and Alberta. Hopefully I WILL post a few pictures of our wedding, but I can't post a long entry today.

God has truly blessed us and it feels like we are the missing puzzle pieces of the bigger picture God has for us. He fit for me and I fit for him. And looking at us together, you might never know! He is over 6 feet tall and I am about 4'6". All along the journey, we saw God working and He made it clear that we should be together.

I have exciting things on the go as well. The reason I can't post a long entry is that tonight, I had set aside time to prepare for the course I will be teaching in May. It is on community-based occupational therapy in the field of mental health. The course will focus on engaging clients that are at times more challenging to engage. I've taught most of this before, but I still have a lot of prep work to do and need to write out the assignments and marking rubric for the course. Additionally, I will be a panel member in an extended session at the CAOT conference in Banff in April. I have prep work for that too. On top of that, we are moving from a small condo to a 3 bedroom bungalow. This house will allow us to do some of the things we are passionate about. It will also eliminate the need to walk a long flight of stairs each day to get to and from the car. We are moving in about 2 weeks - and haven't started packing yet! That's because it was finalized while we were on holidays - of which we just returned this weekend!

In the meantime, my husband is looking for meaningful occupation(s) here in Calgary, whether that will end up doing more volunteering, getting part-time work or full-time work, or all of the above. We would love to get into fostering or even being supportive roommates for individuals who need extra support in their day to day living - or both, as the new house has a fully legal suite downstairs. This new house has the possibility for us to do just that!

We don't know where God will all lead us. But we know that God is in control and that He WILL provide and guide us.

Ottawa again ... and yes, it was awesome!

I went to Ottawa again in February. And, yes, it was awesome!

And the only pics I took were of the fantastic Indian food (with exception to this elephant)! I didn't even take pics of the wonderful person I shared the meal with and much of the weekend with! That took restraint! haha. Even when the waiter offered to take our picture, I didn't pass off my camera to get a picture. And maybe that was the best choice. I aim to live in the moment when I can and enjoy each moment, but maybe the camera gets in the way sometimes. I love taking pictures but conversation flowed, we laughed, we tasted, dare I say we indulged. There was no need to take pictures of us enjoying the time together. Although, don't get me wrong ... next time I want a picture together. :D But only if it seems like it's a good thing and not getting in the way of being in the moment. Maybe it can be adding to the moment in some situations.

The food ... the BUTTER CHICKEN!!! Let's face it, the food was all amazing, but this was the star! This is what stands out in my mind! I can picture the caramel-like colour (without looking at the picture). I can taste the buttery goodness. And can feel the texture of the tender chicken in my mouth. Better butter chicken than I've ever had!

Oh, and the garlic naan... mmm ...

The frozen hands and legs were well worth it for this food!

Ottawa was so worth it! It was a time of connecting, having fun, exploring possibilities, learning ...  and I look forward to more times like this!

Trust and Listen

It's a new year, and lots happened in 2014 - some hard, some exciting, some just plain new! I sense an exciting year of wonderful things to come! Last year, the words that were a theme for me were Grace and Acceptance, and while I think those are still things I strive for - in particular, grace and acceptance for myself and for others - I've grown a lot in those areas. This year, I felt God telling me to Listen and to Trust. Maybe these were actions I leaned on a lot at the end of 2014, but in doing so, I was blessed so much! I took risks like transferring to a new job that could only guarantee me 3 days a week when I was working 4 (and now have been on average working 4 - 5 days a week), accepting a nomination to be on a committee that takes me to Ottawa a few times a year, meeting new people, and beginning to connect on a deeper level with some people in my life to name a few. I have seen the power of listening to God's prompting and then trusting that there is a reason and that it may even be a really good thing for me and those I meet in the new situations So, in going forward in 2015, I get the sense God wants me to listen ad trust Him in taking the risks He is calling me to. That these risks - whatever they might be - are part of his bigger plan. Maybe they will be small. And maybe they will seem insignificant to many of those around me. In reality, I think we all take little risks - and when we don't, we become stale. Stuck in a rut. This year, I don't feel like I'm entering the year in a rut and I like that.

It really was a huge deal for me to quit the job that was stable, consistent, paid my bills, and safe - to work in an environment that most people fear and question why I'd want to do that kind of work. Yet it's rewarding. Sometimes it's sad. Sometimes my heart just goes out to my clients and I hurt for them - for the fact they fear re-engaging with society and that they fear getting ill again and doing the same things they did in the past. It's hard to see them back in the hospital again when it happens. And it's a joy to see them take small (and bigger) risks and be successful! I don't think I cared as much when I worked at the hospital. Now, I see these people regularly. I coach them. I teach them. I listen. And they are not just some patient that comes back over and over where all I get to do is assess and make recommendations. I still do some of that, but even those are more involved. I think I knew I needed to move on when I had the opportunities to really connect with patients and see them through thick and thin and when I knew this was a rarity - something that really usually isn't part of working in a hospital.

The other changes in my life - new people, getting back into doing music, new experiences, new professional aquaintances and roles (outside of my job) - it's exciting. I feel excited about my future. It's been a while since I've been excited about my future. I think I allowed myself to get in a rut and I don't want that to happen for a while. Like the quote on my blog main page goes, "Continuity gives us roots; change gives us branches, letting us stretch and grow to new heights. ~ Pauline R. Kezer

Another quote I came across, although I don't know who said it - "Go out on a limb. That's where the fruit is".  Going out on a limb can be scary. It waves around and is not always stable and most certainly is risky. But the reward comes with being vulnerable and putting yourself out there where you might get hurt or turned on your backside. But if you get the reward ... yummy! Haha. :D

Ottawa 2014 Trip - Traveling with my scooter

I haven`t traveled with my scooter in a while - not since 2008. Before that, the last time was in 2000-2001 when I went to Australia. This was an adventure for me. It worked out so well except for a glitch at the Ottawa airport. Their stairwell to bring things up from the cargo section of the plane to the gate was so narrow they weren`t able to bring my scooter to me at the gate so I had to sit on a wheelchair where I could literally feel the crossbars underneath me! It was uncomfortable but not painful. It was also annoying. But it was so well worth it to have my scooter with me in Ottawa!

I took my first Access Calgary (handi-transit) ride ever and it was to the airport. So much cheaper than paying for a cab ($3 versus $60) plus I was leaving during rush hour time and I knew that most of, if not all, the accessible cabs would be working for Access Calgary at the time. It brought me back to the days in junior high when I had to take the short school bus with a lift to and from school. I still feel uncomfortable sitting on the lift with a slight fear of rolling off the back when it`s up in the air or accidentally pushing the lever to go backwards instead of forwards when going into the bus.

It was easy to get an accessible cab, both in Ottawa and back in Calgary to return home. I have found I prefer the low ramps to the lifts! But whatever I get is what I get and I`m still happy with how smooth it worked!

Butter Chicken Poutine for dinner on my first night

I spent my evenings as well as Saturday afternoon exploring Ottawa on my scooter, camera in hand. I mostly stayed in the downtown-ish area, although I crossed over to Gatineau, QC on Saturday. For those who know me well, they would have accurately guessed I was out and about with my cameras. That was my primary reason for bringing the scooter actually! I had a few moments on Thursday night where I felt a little uncomfortable, not having a clue where I was! My map only had bigger streets on it so I didn`t know which way to go. I found my way, though. I also had a few moments where I thought maybe I should have done some research as to the safety of being out and about by myself in the dark.  But maybe that was part of the adventure!

Ottawa is such a beautiful city! At night, the lights reflect so beautifully on the water and so many buildings look amazing with the way they are lit up.  The architecture of many of the buildings in the areas I explored is also beautiful. The pictures in this entry are a smattering of the pictures I took. The sunset pics were taken on the flight back to Calgary. As a side note, I am frustrated with the layout set up of blogger - I gave up on trying to make the layout nice.

Alexandra Bridge over the Ottawa River between Ottawa and Gatineau (also called the Interprovincial Bridge)

I like how the flames look like a wolf

Locks for Love

Spider sculture outside the National Art Gallery

National Art Gallery

Alexandra Bridge (Interprovincial Bridge) between Ottawa, ON and Gatineau, QC

View from the Quebec side

Sunset pics over the Great Lakes