Hope and a New Year

I just got back from my annual trip back to Manitoba for Christmas. I drove this year. Driving is a good time for me to converse with God and to listen. Afterall, what else is there to do while driving. Well, other than listen to music and take pictures. Oops ... did I say that? Actually, I didn't take any pics this year while driving. Anyway, back to my point, God often speaks to me through music too, so that's as good a time to listen as any. My last entry indicates a little of the struggle I've been having lately. During my drive out, and throughout my trip, the theme 'hope' seemed to come up. That this year is a year of hope. From songs that talked about hope and really resonating with me, to lyrics that suggest being thankful in that moment is a factor leading to hope, to a sense that things are going to change over the next while and a sense of excitement about what that could mean, to just having a really good trip and a lot of good relationship building. Actually, prior to my trip, I sensed God breathing the word 'hope' into me. Metaphorically, of course. But, whenever I was praying, this word came to mind. It was neat that a series of things all seemed to resonate with that. I experienced things that seemed to revive me. I 'skated' at the Forks - fast, too, while my sister was skating and pushing me. I felt good about my interactions with my family. I spent time with people who mean a lot to me while I was in Winnipeg. I had an awesome New Years.

In the end, though, I had a very hard time leaving this time around. I really did not want to go back to Calgary. I long for a sense of community. Calgary just doesn't feel like community. I don't know my neighbours. I know their dogs better than the people - and that's pretty sad. The whole motivation for so many people is 'how much money can I make' and 'oh, no, I can't afford to live so I must make more'. So it becomes a rat race with few personal connections. I'm not saying I don't have personal connections here - I do have some good friends. Just, overall, there isn't a sense of community. I felt community while in Manitoba this year. I felt loved, accepted. And I felt like I was contributing to the lives of people in my interactions. I still don't feel like anything is tying me to Calgary, other than the fact I work here and have some things I enjoy doing. I feel that can be built elsewhere too. So, I'm not saying I'm going anywhere. But I also feel free to go wherever God has a plan for me. And part of that brings excitement. That God has great plans for my life!

Work wise, I would love to work with communities where people are experiencing poverty. Maybe working in an orphanage. Or, working with people living on the streets or at risk of being homeless, or families who are down and out. Or maybe a community program somewhere, or developing a new program somehow. Something out of the box, of course! :) I'm not hurrying to do something different but this kind of thing is what I want to get back to at some point. And, honestly, Calgary is not really where there is a lot of any of the real poverty. Yes, there's homelessness and some significant social justice issues. But there are so many resources for them - just not OT. So who knows?! The world's my oyster! But God will need to orchestrate everything!

So this year, I didn't really make new resolutions. The things I wrote down are things I'm doing already or have done and want to continue. However, I did make a goal of taking at least one trip that is not to Manitoba - to go somewhere new. The rest of my 'resolution' is to live as much as possible within my values. This includes making decisions that reflect my values.

"Hope is a passion for what is possible" - Kierkegaard

I noticed this quote today and I'm still digesting it. It was the introduction to a story about a boy who was homeless, lost everything in a torrential downpour, and was completely broken. The one connection he had to his sister, the person he loved most, was lost in the rains, and for him, it was like someone he loved dearly had just died. Along comes a person who works with youth on the streets, and he tries to 'fix' everything, only to realize he needs to allow the person to grieve. A few days later, Katrina (the hurricane) comes along and the boy is deeply affected by the loss experienced by the people in the line of Katrina. Instead of panhandling for himself (and he desperately needed it, especially now that he had lost everything he owned), he panhandled for Katrina. He ended up giving all that he had for other people, and this made all the difference in his life. He had hope. He started making changes in his life. I know I'm missing big parts of the story, and to be honest, I'm still digesting the rest of the story. There's a lot to unpack in this story - some more on the level of working with this population and some as simply a person living in Canadian society seeing people on the streets. This passion to help people became his hope, and with this hope, life became possible for this boy. This step was a springboard for him to make many positive changes in his life.

Maybe I'll come back to unpacking this quote more, and maybe even unpacking this story more in another blog post. We'll see. In the mean time, I'm thinking of using this story as a discussion starter for Youth night on Wednesday, although I'm not sure I'll get through reading it out loud. I was bawling most of the way through. I wasn't sad for the boy - I think I was actually crying for this amazing self sacrifice. And the difference this act made in helping this boy move on in life.  I saw myself in the story too - in the street worker. He wanted to solve the problems. He had solutions - get this guy into a shelter, get him housing, get him new clothes, get him a new sleeping back, etc. What this kid needed was to have his feelings validated. He needed someone to go with what he found important - giving the money to a cause that affected him deeply. He needed someone to just love him and not jump to conclusions about what needed to be done. How many of us wouldn't encourage the kid to use the money for him to start building up his own life? Afterall, who else is more in need than this boy? I pray I have the discernment to realize what needs to be done in situations like this. The story is found in the book Bent Hope by Tim Huff and it is called "A Kid and a Coffee Cup". The book is a good read and it may well give you a new perspective.

Hope is a passion for what is possible. ~ Soren Kierkegaard