Mother's Day is sometimes hard for me. I live far from my mother and I have no 'surrogate mothers' here in Calgary. I also am single, am not a mother, and don't know if I'll ever be. I long for a young child to put his or her arms around me and say "I love you mommy" but the older I get, the less likely that possibility seems to be. Also, I don't know whether my body could handle pregnancy and giving birth so it may not be an option for me anyway. And these days, adoption is so very expensive. I know others who have been denied adoption for various reasons, and my physical limitations could well be a factor against me.
Within Christian communities, it is so hard being single. Families are glorified. Singles fade into the background. Being single and also not a mother creates even more divides. Mothers talk about their children, and so often, young mothers in particular just do not know how to talk about anything else (or so my experience has been). My life seems to have no relevance to theirs. I love their children. Love that they come to hug me, or to say hi to me. The conversations with the mothers often seem so stilted and that is frustrating for me. In my own family, I don't feel that way. My nieces and nephews love me and I love them. They seem to look forward to seeing me and spending time with me. I am thankful for that.
I believe mothers should be honoured. I also wonder how such a day as Mother's Day affects those who have lost their children, have lost their mother, or have never had the opportunity to be a mother? I think most of us have a maternal instinct in us - whether that is towards our own children, for others' children, or a mentoring or mothering instinct in general. So I approach mother's day with mixed feelings. I want to honour the mothers that are part of my life. I also feel for those who hurt on mother's day - whether that be from experiencing losses, having strained relationships that are highlighted on such a day, or those who long for having a child of their own. Also, I relate to the awkwardness that is Mother's Day - the questions about when someone will become a mother, or the awkward parts in a church service where all the moms are asked to stand up and are honoured with a flower while all the non-moms (whether that be moms who have lost a child, or those who want children, or a myriad of other situations), or being in a situation where your mom is far across the country and you have no mom to spend the day with, or where you've lost your own mother. It is just a messy day for so many people. Again, that is not to say mothers should not be honoured!
I am a mother in my own ways. I am a god-mother to a beautiful girl. I have nieces and nephews who are a big part of my life, even though there is geographical distance in between. Children at church love to come say hi and my friends' kids also seem to connect well with me. And maybe someone out there sees me as a mentor or sorts.
Here is a blessing I came across on another blog, quoted from http://timewarpwife.com/?p=3120, that really touched me today. Hopefully one of my readers will also be blessed as you read. This blessing is something I wish all pastors would read in church on Mother's Day and that others would also read - this is not just about church. It acknowledges the spectrum of mothering.
To those who gave birth to their first child - we celebrate with you.
To those who lost a child this year - we mourn with you.
To those who are in the trenches with little ones every day and wear the badge of food stains - we appreciate you.
To those who experience loss through miscarriage, failed adoptions, or running away - we mourn with you.
To those who walk the hard path of infertility, fraught with pokes, prods, tears and disappointment - we walk with you. Forgive us when we say foolish things. We don't mean to make this harder than it is.
To those who are foster moms, mentor moms, and spiritual moms - we need you.
To those who have warm and close relationships with children - we celebrate with you.
To those who have disappointment, heart ache, and distance from your children - we sit with you.
To those who lost their mothers this year - we grieve with you.
To those who experienced abuse at the hands of your own mother - we acknowledge your own experience.
To those who lived through driving tests, medical tests, and the overall testing of motherhood - we are better for having you in our midst.
To those who are single and long to be married and mothering your own children - we mourn that life has not turned out the way you longed for it to be.
To those who step-parent - we walk with you on those complex paths.
To those who envisioned lavishing love on grandchildren - yet that dream was not meant to be, we grieve with you.
To those who will have emptier nests in the coming year - we grieve and rejoice with you.
To those who placed children up for adoption - we commend you for your selflessness and remember how you hold that child in your heart.
And to those who are pregnant with new life, both expected and surprising - we anticipate with you.
This Mother's Day, we walk with you. Mothering is not for the faint of heart and we have real warriors in our midst. We remember you.
To those who are in the trenches with little ones every day and wear the badge of food stains – we appreciate you
To those who experienced loss through miscarriage, failed adoptions, or running away—we mourn with you
To those who walk the hard path of infertility, fraught with pokes, prods, tears, and disappointment – we walk with you. Forgive us when we say foolish things. We don’t mean to make this harder than it is.
To those who are foster moms, mentor moms, and spiritual moms – we need you
To those who have warm and close relationships with your children – we celebrate with you
To those who have disappointment, heart ache, and distance with your children – we sit with you
To those who lost their mothers this year – we grieve with you
To those who experienced abuse at the hands of your own mother – we acknowledge your experience
To those who lived through driving tests, medical tests, and the overall testing of motherhood – we are better for having you in our midst
To those who are single and long to be married and mothering your own children – we mourn that life has not turned out the way you longed for it to be
To those who step-parent – we walk with you on these complex paths
To those who envisioned lavishing love on grandchildren -yet that dream is not to be, we grieve with you
To those who will have emptier nests in the upcoming year – we grieve and rejoice with you
To those who placed children up for adoption — we commend you for your selflessness and remember how you hold that child in your heart
And to those who are pregnant with new life, both expected and surprising –we anticipate with you
This Mother’s Day, we walk with you. Mothering is not for the faint of heart and we have real warriors in our midst. We remember you.
- See more at: http://timewarpwife.com/?p=3120#sthash.6BNV0uLu.dpuf
To those who experienced loss through miscarriage, failed adoptions, or running away—we mourn with you
To those who walk the hard path of infertility, fraught with pokes, prods, tears, and disappointment – we walk with you. Forgive us when we say foolish things. We don’t mean to make this harder than it is.
To those who are foster moms, mentor moms, and spiritual moms – we need you
To those who have warm and close relationships with your children – we celebrate with you
To those who have disappointment, heart ache, and distance with your children – we sit with you
To those who lost their mothers this year – we grieve with you
To those who experienced abuse at the hands of your own mother – we acknowledge your experience
To those who lived through driving tests, medical tests, and the overall testing of motherhood – we are better for having you in our midst
To those who are single and long to be married and mothering your own children – we mourn that life has not turned out the way you longed for it to be
To those who step-parent – we walk with you on these complex paths
To those who envisioned lavishing love on grandchildren -yet that dream is not to be, we grieve with you
To those who will have emptier nests in the upcoming year – we grieve and rejoice with you
To those who placed children up for adoption — we commend you for your selflessness and remember how you hold that child in your heart
And to those who are pregnant with new life, both expected and surprising –we anticipate with you
This Mother’s Day, we walk with you. Mothering is not for the faint of heart and we have real warriors in our midst. We remember you.
- See more at: http://timewarpwife.com/?p=3120#sthash.6BNV0uLu.dpuf
To those who gave birth this year to their first child—we celebrate with you
To those who lost a child this year – we mourn with you
To those who are in the trenches with little ones every day and wear the badge of food stains – we appreciate you
To those who experienced loss through miscarriage, failed adoptions, or running away—we mourn with you
To those who walk the hard path of infertility, fraught with pokes, prods, tears, and disappointment – we walk with you. Forgive us when we say foolish things. We don’t mean to make this harder than it is.
To those who are foster moms, mentor moms, and spiritual moms – we need you
To those who have warm and close relationships with your children – we celebrate with you
To those who have disappointment, heart ache, and distance with your children – we sit with you
To those who lost their mothers this year – we grieve with you
To those who experienced abuse at the hands of your own mother – we acknowledge your experience
To those who lived through driving tests, medical tests, and the overall testing of motherhood – we are better for having you in our midst
To those who are single and long to be married and mothering your own children – we mourn that life has not turned out the way you longed for it to be
To those who step-parent – we walk with you on these complex paths
To those who envisioned lavishing love on grandchildren -yet that dream is not to be, we grieve with you
To those who will have emptier nests in the upcoming year – we grieve and rejoice with you
To those who placed children up for adoption — we commend you for your selflessness and remember how you hold that child in your heart
And to those who are pregnant with new life, both expected and surprising –we anticipate with you
This Mother’s Day, we walk with you. Mothering is not for the faint of heart and we have real warriors in our midst. We remember you.
- See more at: http://timewarpwife.com/?p=3120#sthash.6BNV0uLu.dpuf
To those who lost a child this year – we mourn with you
To those who are in the trenches with little ones every day and wear the badge of food stains – we appreciate you
To those who experienced loss through miscarriage, failed adoptions, or running away—we mourn with you
To those who walk the hard path of infertility, fraught with pokes, prods, tears, and disappointment – we walk with you. Forgive us when we say foolish things. We don’t mean to make this harder than it is.
To those who are foster moms, mentor moms, and spiritual moms – we need you
To those who have warm and close relationships with your children – we celebrate with you
To those who have disappointment, heart ache, and distance with your children – we sit with you
To those who lost their mothers this year – we grieve with you
To those who experienced abuse at the hands of your own mother – we acknowledge your experience
To those who lived through driving tests, medical tests, and the overall testing of motherhood – we are better for having you in our midst
To those who are single and long to be married and mothering your own children – we mourn that life has not turned out the way you longed for it to be
To those who step-parent – we walk with you on these complex paths
To those who envisioned lavishing love on grandchildren -yet that dream is not to be, we grieve with you
To those who will have emptier nests in the upcoming year – we grieve and rejoice with you
To those who placed children up for adoption — we commend you for your selflessness and remember how you hold that child in your heart
And to those who are pregnant with new life, both expected and surprising –we anticipate with you
This Mother’s Day, we walk with you. Mothering is not for the faint of heart and we have real warriors in our midst. We remember you.
- See more at: http://timewarpwife.com/?p=3120#sthash.6BNV0uLu.dpuf
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2 comments:
Thank for sharing, Patti. Mother's Day can definitely be hard for so many people. Would you be okay if I shared this blog post on Facebook? I think it would be an encouragement to others.
Sure Rhonda. Go ahead. :)
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