Beauty

For some reason, I've read a lot about beauty these past few days. Then, today, as some of my co-workers and I were travelling back from Mountain Aire, we ended having a discussion about being beautiful. I felt like I didn't have a lot to contribute to this conversation. The others were talking about how important it is to feel beautiful as a child - this leads to healthy relationships when you are older.

Funny, no, the sad thing is, I don't ever remember being called beautiful as a child. That's not to say I never heard it. I don't remember it. I did not feel beautiful as a child. I knew I was the odd one out. I was told by various relatives that I was fat or that I needed to lose weight. Kids would point at me and tell their moms solemnly, "look mom, that girl's short and fat" or "why is she so short". So, of course, I'd drown myself in bigger clothes to hide what was underneath. They'd say my sister was pretty, but to me, it was "but you have a nice personality". Or, now that I'm older, "it doesn't matter if you're not pretty, someone, the right person, will love you for who you are". Yes, it's true. People do love me for who I am. And maybe that 'right person' will be out there. But I certainly hope that person will see me as beautiful too, not just that I have a "great personality". If he didn't, he wouldn't be worth it. Now that I work with a lot of women who have gone through much worse than I could ever imagine, I need to really make sure my self esteem and confidence are ok to be able to support them.

One of those readings I happened to come across quite unexpectedly yesterday was on a blog. The author of this blog seemed to imply through her discussion that she struggled with feeling beautiful. She ended the blog entry stating something like this - 'Today I feel beautiful because I saw beauty in today'. Prior to making this comment, she had posted a bunch of pictures of herself doing different things and she talked about the beauty in nature. A statement like hers was so profound to me. While I was posting this, I went back to that blog entry and reread it. After spending the day outside along a river next to the mountains and reflecting on that beauty, I really do feel more beautiful than a few minutes ago. I don't think the author of that blog was only referring to nature's beauty. She was referring to the beauty in our ability to do movement, in the way we worshop God, and in our smile - whether it is genuine or not. I also know that beauty can shine through everything we do and say - often, this is what makes us beautiful. Often, this is what attracts other people to want to be around us. It's not necessarily those 'beautiful blondes' or the individuals on the "most sexy" lists that are really beautiful. And, even if they are on the outside, do they feel beautiful on the inside? That's where it counts anyway.