Change. I suppose it's just part of life.

It seems as soon as one aspect of my life has somewhat settled and gotten into a routine, the rest seems to be heading into change. Once again, I will be moving. The house I live in is going on the market. I just started to feel settled, and then this happens. I absolutely hate moving. The actual moving part. I guess, the change piece I'm a little more ok with, but whenever I move, I have to rely on others for practically everything. And now, this place needs to be ready at all times for potential buyers to see. I don't have a show room place by a long shot. I know I'm not super neat and tidy. And, this week, of all weeks, it's worse than usual. Of course, today was the day the realtor came to have a look while I was away at work. Pretty much, I was asked to pack up most of my stuff and put it somewhere. Agh. This is so frustrating. And I know the only reason the house is being sold is because the people upstairs are moving. I would have liked more notice. I would have liked to know when they knew, or even had the idea they might go sooner than later so I could prepare. Instead, I just finished unpacking all but about 2 boxes. I have a stack of boxes just sitting there right by the door. I don't like moving every year or two. Or, as was the case last year, more than once. I think it was twice within one year. There is a slim chance I could buy the house and do some modifications. At the moment, this would be the ideal situation. At the same time, owning a house costs a lot too. I do like the neighbourhood. Yes, it's not classy. I like the multicultural aspect of it. The aspect that the people here are real people, and not just people holed up behind a garage door that goes up, then goes down, and the neighbours never connect. I like that it's only about 10 minutes from work. I don't much like the fact the garage is not attached, but maybe that's something that can be addressed by having a bit of a covered walkway or something. I don't know. I guess this is all dreaming. I really don't want to go back to living in a highrise. I like living in a house. I suppose I've been spoiled by living here. At the moment, I don't even have a down payment, so it seems rather wishful-thinking to even consider the idea. Or the idea of finding a different place to buy - that seems quite overwhelming right now, but it feels right to consider this house.

Aside from the fact I need to move, I'm feeling quite overwhelmed. I have no idea how I'll get my place clean, neat and presentable to the state required for a 'showing' in a matter of a couple days. I have so many other things I need to get done like my taxes and some work for a contract. Next week, I'll also need to write a report for a different contract. That's all on top of working full time. My new position officially starts this week, but my schedule will still be full time for the month of May. I took on new responsibilities at church, and now with the youth pastor stepping down, I have no idea what it will look like to be a youth sponsor and do my other role. How much time will be involved? Thinking about all of this, I wonder how I will have time to take care of myself or to just hang out with friends or to take care of my spiritual well-being. Mind you, even for tonight, I was trying to make plans with people, and others don't have time either or are somehow keeping busy otherwise. This lack of connecting with people is a change for me that I'm not enjoying and I want to change that back but I don't know how. I'm not one for big parties, but I do need personal connection with people and I miss that so much. I really do need to find some balance in life. With everything seemingly being thrown at me, I am struggling to find that balance. I need some balance to deal with everything in a healthy way. Hmm ... a vicious circle?

Maybe this is all hitting me when I'm physically not at my best. Maybe, give it a day or two, and I'll see things differently. I hope so. I hope to have more energy and more drive. I hope to be pain free and feeling like I can make all this work.