Monday, December 22, 2008

Winter seems to really be here ... and a jumble of thoughts

With these deep freeze temperatures, I guess winter is really here. "Deep freeze" in terms of Calgary. Maybe even in terms of Winterpeg. I haven't minded the cold. I like the sound of snow crunching under tires. I like the snow on the trees. I like jack frost on the windows. But, soon, it would be nice if the temperatures would rise to at least -10.

Work is becoming very Christmasy. I was busy in the wrapping room today, taking inventory. Turkeys were counted. Gifts were distributed for the wish list program. And, pretty much, all programming is at a stand still. And tomorrow, it will be more of the same.

I'm planning to fly home after work on Christmas eve. I say home. I wonder whether I will say I'm flying home for my return flight. There is something about home about having your own place, and the life you're living. Nice to be back in your own bed. Back in your own space. Yet, there is something about home where mom and dad live. Where you grew up. Where family is. Maybe until I have a family of my own, I will always be caught in this weird situation. My sisters are lucky, in a way. They have a family of their own. They know where they belong. They have a direction in life ... for the time being anyway. But maybe that's restricting in ways too.

And, now, on the Christmas topic. I'm not quite sure how I'm feeling about Christmas this year. For some reason, I feel a little sad. I see so many people hurting, and in such difficult circumstances. I reflect a little on some conversations I've had recently. I was reminded that, so many times, many of us forget about the special gift we really have ... that God gave his son to be human and to go through life on earth with all its pain. To see one's child go through that. And then to see that child go through the crucifixion. I'm not even a parent, and I can imagine that would be difficult. Such a sacrifice. Such a gift. We never really think about that. We think about the commercial aspect. Presents. Traveling. Making kids happy. Family fun. Friends. Not that there's anything wrong with any of these. A friend showed me a music video of a Christmas carol that normally is sung in a major key but was done in a minor key. The whole tone of the song changed. It felt like there was no hope left, in a way. It felt like the song was plodding on. Yet, in the video, the people were plodding on, expecting something good at the end. Like their plodding was worth the trouble. So, I guess, this year, I'm looking forward to my trip home to see my family and [hopefully] friends. Yet, I don't think Christmas itself is exciting me. Maybe it's because, with all this hustle and bustle, and things that we have made Christmas to be, we have lost the true meaning. And the preparation is just tiring. How does one really celebrate the true meaning? I honestly don't know. I know I will continue to celebrate Christmas with my family. And I will enjoy it. Yet, maybe it's time for me to do some sort of personal study .... to determine what would be a good way for me to acknowledge, honour, and celebrate the true meaning in my own personal way.

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